I haven't posted much online about my sister's passing, but with her funeral tomorrow and me being half a continent away, I break my silence.
Sandi was 37 when lymphoma took her life 4 days ago. My heart breaks for my young nieces most of all.
I can't be there to deliver this speech in person tomorrow, so this platform will have to do.
Sandi was 37 when lymphoma took her life 4 days ago. My heart breaks for my young nieces most of all.
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| Sam, Sandi, & Abbie |
In memoriam
I’m not a religious person. My belief system is grounded in
experiential wealth. The money sitting in your accounts or the knick-knacks
filling your cabinets do not create happiness. All a human can do is measure
their life in time.
Time is two things at once: the great equalizer and the
invigilator of unfairness. We must all make our peace with time; there is no
escape from this reality.
We can live in the past and remember things better than they
were. We can live in the present, consequences be damned, and we can live in
the future and forgo the joys of today for the spoils of tomorrow.
Time was unkind to my sister. In too many ways, her peace
with time was made for her. Early death stole Sandi from the present. Her
perspective, her humor, her candor: gone.
I can’t draw comfort from the thought that the dead are in a
better more peaceful place, and I refuse to mourn and move on. To me, these
customs betray the value of human life by removing them from our understanding
of time.
The easy path is to tuck the best memories we have of Sandi
into nostalgia. Bask her in rose-colored light and smooth over any tensions
held onto longer than we’re proud of. If this path is how you must survive, do
so without shame.
There is, however, another path. Carry your memories of her
into the future. Let these memories inspire you, comfort you, and calm you.
Sandi was the first person who really imparted to me that
blood does not a family build. She and I had much more in common than I do with
my biological brother. We loved sci-fi, board games, cooking, art, and if we
were mad about something, it took approximately 6 seconds for the world to
notice.
We never lived together, but I like to think we learned
together. And I’d like to think that everyone who reads this can learn
something too: measure your life in time.
